As I’ve gone through college, grad school, and now my first full time job, I’ve met people from all different backgrounds. Meeting people from such a wide variety of backgrounds is always exciting. Hearing about how other people have made it to where they are allows us to put our own situations in perspective.
When I think back to college, most freshmen show up with the cord still attached to their parents. College students are typically broke after all, and going to college is usually the first time we leave home. If you’re not calling home to ask for more money, then you’re probably calling because you’re homesick.
Of course, some people stay a little more attached than others. I know a few people whose parents completely covered the cost of college and grad school for them. I also know a few friends who had to talk to their parents at least once a day on the phone because they wanted to and/or their parents were checking up on them.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are those parents that cut the cord immediately after high school. Once their kids go off to college, they’re completely on their own. There’s no help from Mom or Dad anymore. Sometimes it’s intentional, and sometimes it’s because the parents are in so much debt themselves that they can’t afford to help out.
What has my experience been? It definitely falls somewhere in between. While I’m fortunate enough to have parents who saved enough to help me cover the cost of my undergraduate years, the cord was cut when I went to grad school. (That’s why this blog exists!)
Now it’s your turn. When did your parents cut the cord?
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I lived at home for my first year after college and although they let me stay rent free and everything, I did have my own personal expenses to pay. They officially cut me off when I moved cities and became independent on my own.
I just graduated last month and I’m still living at home, rent free. I’ve never asked my parents for money, so maybe that’s why my mother has told me I can stay here as long as I want. She pretty much wants me home as long as possible, where my dad couldn’t really care less.
My parents promised to help for only four years of school. Anything after that was on my own dime – even if that meant it took longer than four years to graduate with my bachelor’s. They helped with rent as much as they could while I was in college, but it was expected that I cover everything else (groceries, utilities, night out with friends, clothes, coffee, etc.) I graduated a number of years ago, and just started my master’s degree. Because I was expected and learned to be financially responsible and independent, I know that I can find ways to pay for my grad degree. I just have to be flexible and creative.
My parents helped with school, but I still have ~18k in loans from a public university so they def didn’t pay for everything. I did stay at home during the summers and winters, and the first 5-6 weeks of my job while I went apartment hunting and saved money.
I wouldn’t even say they cut the cord, I did. I seriously doubt they’d care if I said I wanted to move back home and save up money (not that I ever would). They’ve been supportive, but laid back. I guess they just trust all their kids to know what’s best, because at various other points 3 of my other 4 siblings moved back home after college. When the appropriate time came (graduating from grad school, going to grad school, getting a “real” job, finding an apt) everyone moved out.
My parents helped me out quite a bit while going to school. The first year was on them entirely (although I always had to buy my own textbooks), and then after that they slowly weened me off of their financial support. I beleive the second year I got a part time job to help supplement groceries and what not and the third and fourth years are pretty hazy on who paid for what. I went to school for 6 years the 5th, and 6th years were on me and I managed to do that with $10,500 in student loans.
I worked a lot while going to school – for the first three years, I went back to my parents place during the summer and worked two jobs – they didn’t ask me to pay rent so that I could save everything and put it towards school.
The expectation was that I would pay for what I could, and they would help out with the rest.
I got a rockin’ scholarship that paid for school and books as well as leaving me with about $1000 each semester to help with living expenses. I worked part time and my parents gave me like $100 a month my freshman year. After I discovered that living off campus was way cheaper, I told my parents I didn’t need the check anymore. So when my sophomore year started, I was on my own. I’m about to start grad school and I am hoping for scholarships again even though my parents said they would help. I guess they figure my undergrad years cost them a total of about $900 so they can afford to help. I don’t really want to have to take them up on it, but I don’t want to have to get a student loan either. We’ll see.
When I started my undergrad, my parents paid for most everything (all expenses minus scholarships). As I started working during school and going through my program, the parents paid for less and less. Once I got a job in another city, I was on my own!
I had to find ways to pay for college myself-my parents helped with interest payments and $100 here and there. After college I lived at home until I could afford to move out, which was nice. Sometimes I think about how my sisters had babies as teenagers and didn’t do college, they received a lot more help from my parents than I did…..Now I’m totally self-reliant.
They were ready to support me through my Masters program but fortunately I managed to get TA that paid for my tuition and living expenses for 4 semesters.
For me it was very transitional.
First, money-wise, my parents had set up an account separately for each kid (this money was a mix of money my parents had put in since I was born, money I had worked for since grade 9, and interest), that we managed on our own once we went away from school. So for money, I have my ‘school account’, but thats that. If I was stupid enough to blow it in my first two semesters, well, tough. So I mean, it did feel like the cord was cut because my parent’s had no say in the administration of that money, but at the same time, some of it was theirs.
As for summers, I spent my first summer back at home, then the second in the city, then the third back home because I had found a really good job close to them, but since then I haven’t been back for any extended period of time. Now that I have my diploma, I still go for vacations or long weekends, but never more than just visiting.
When I lived at home for the two summers though, although I didn’t pay them rent, I paid for any gas I used, and most of the food I ate. I bought my own stuff, and although I didn’t buy laundry detergent, I did my own laundry and cleaned up after myself.
Now that I have a diploma, my parents wouldn’t want me living at home, and although they probably would lend me money if I was really stuck, they wouldn’t be happy about it.
But honestly, 4 years later, with a diploma, I still have some college money that other kids would have easily all used up. By letting me see exactly how much I had, it made me realize that I had to be smart with it.
My situation is kind of strange. Technically speaking, I cut the cord at 16. My parents and I had a bit of a falling out and I left home. I worked two jobs and lived with friends. I put school on hold as a result, but being independent was more important at the time. Then, about 8 years later, things worked out where my parents needed some help around the house since my dad would be traveling and I could have used the cheaper rent to help pay off the debt and the many mistakes I made. So, I moved back home. I didn’t get a dime from my parents, but I did pretty cheap rent and utilities. I had to buy my own food and help with stuff around the house. But, all in all, I was ok with that. So, I think of it less as a boomerang situation and more of a mutually beneficial situation. They weren’t giving me money (and I’m paying for school myself to the tune of almost $50k in student loans), but they did help my out by allowing me to save money.
I paid for college entirely on my own, which I was able to do because I lived at home rent-free, worked twice as many hours as most college students and got a scholarship that paid for my entire senior year. The cord was officially cut when I moved into another city for my first full-time job, and bought my own home.
A lot of people never have the cord cut. My friend went to Penn, and she had classmates who would actually FedEx their laundry home for Mom (or the servants) to wash. No joke. This leads nowhere, in my opinion. If you can’t get through college on your own and wash your own socks, how are you going to function in the real world? The answer, of course, is that many of these student will never live in the real world. They have the ultimate blue-blooded insurance policy.
My mom (literally) cut the apron strings in a symbolic gesture before I left for college. They have chipped in as they could (small stuff), but I’ve essentially been on my own since then.
Jerry
Can the cord be cut if you still live at home with your parents? I would like to say that I cut the cord when I was in my senior year in high school because that is when my parents stopped helping me out financially. I have been supporting myself ever since. While I do live at home now and do not pay any rent, I still help them out financially with numerous things just like any good son would do. Being from an Indian family, we continue to stay extremely close and the relationship just does not dissappear like with other families.
After undergrad it was all me baby! Well, after i found a job and all
After undergrad, although I went home, I quickly moved out–and that was it.
As a financially fortunate parent of three delightful females, I suggested that they not discuss marriage with me until they were at least 27 (so they’d have some sense of who they were), and make certain that they get two degrees (one grad degree also). I was somewhat facetious in my comment, but I had visions of single moms and was certain that at least one would go through a divorce. All of that happened, but the one with the divorce doesn’t have a money problem as a result of her education.
Financially, my parents paid for part of my undergrad, and a smaller part of my grad. I’m 24 and my parents are still paying for some of my expenses, although not because I’ve asked them to. They are carrying me on their health insurance until I’m 25 because it doesn’t cost them extra to carry me, and they are helping with my student loan payments because they see my education as partially their responsibility. Apart from that, I’ve had a strict no asking parents for money rule since I was 16, when I got my first job.
Emotionally, who knows when the chord will be cut? I live 2,000 miles away (and have for two years) and my mom still calls all the time. Especially if I’ve just moved or started a new job–then she calls every day until she gains confidence that I’m not going to die/that I’ve made a good decision. *I* feel like I’m independent of my parents, but I’m not entirely positive my mom feels independent of me.
My parents stopped paying for things for me starting when I was in high school. I thought I was being responsible getting my own job, but my father who I lived with at the the time saw it as an opportunity to stop paying for my expenses. I paid for my own year books, gear that I needed for my athletic teams, trips that I went on with my academic clubs, food, gas, clothes, and my cell phone. I was fortunate enough to have a car that was paid off, but I had to start paying my own car insurance as well. My parents do not provide me with any money for college. I finance my education with the help of grants, Stafford loans, scholarships, and whatever income I get from part time jobs and odd jobs.
I’m starting with University next year, and my parent will help me with all the finance, but I don’t know how much they will pay.
I think I don’t want them to pay that much, I would rather have a loan than keep begging at their place for money..
Well, I’ll see,
Stefan
In my eyes, what it comes down to is whether or not you value their money by valuing your education. I know that if I for one second didn’t get good grades and started slipping, I would be on a short leash, and if I hit rock bottom and stopped caring I would lose any cash that was going to college from my Dad.
Someone once told me its about trying to help out where you can if your parents are helping you, and making sure they know you value your education as much as your do your family. They’ll understand every penny is well spent.
Heck, just remember to thank them as much as you can.
My father stopped buying anything for us when we were 12 and started highschool.
My mother always looked after us though, even now she sends me money when she can.
My parents cut the cord, my junior year of high school. They got a divorce, forgot they had one kid left, and were out. I spent my senior year of high school living on my own and working full time. I ended up having to get my GED because I couldn’t work enough to support myself and go to school at the same time. Then to top it off when I got into college, Pops wouldn’t fill out the FAFSA Form so I couldn’t even go cause he wouldn’t fill out a stupid form. It taught me a lot and they are now better than they were. The thing that sucked the most is they raised me to believe I would have help. Never expect sh*t from your parents after you leave home. They shouldn’t give it to you and you don’t deserve it. Make your own path. It will mean more in the end.
As both a parent and grandparent, I’ve come to the conclusion that financial support for college from parents is related to resources, attitude toward the role of education, “class” and one’s “theory” on parenting.
Cultures differ in their attitudes toward education. Many Asian parents will do without food to make certain that their kids go to college and get a graduate degree. Recently I learned from the Indian owner of my local cleaners that his son was in med school, and I commented that that was an expensive outlay. His response was telling: “I brought my children into this world. It’s my responsibility to pay for the best possible education for them.” Same is definitely true for Chinese.
Those with more financial resources are often influenced by colleagues with similar resources who believe that education is one of the responsibilities of being a parent. Still others with resources, rarely have the thought of financial support cross their minds. They often have not been exposed to upper-middle class values.
These are, as I suggested above, also “class issues.” Those in sociology know from research that middle class is strongly oriented to security (financial and otherwise), so the willingness to support education is less of an agenda. Upper middle class tends to be far more oriented to achievement, so there is a much greater willingness to do what is necessary for kids to achieve educationally. And those without resources often create a “theory of financial responsibility” in their mind that says it’s the kid’s responsibility. “Not part of being a parent.”
Our experience has been that education is one of the major keys to lifelong success, and not merely financial success. Thus, we would have done anything for our kids, even if we lacked the resources. (Classic, immigrant attitude, although our families have been here since the 1740s.)
Obviously, I’m generalizing from research and exceptions will not be difficult to find. But there’s a lot of relevant research on the issue.
I found a decent job when i was second year and soon enough i was sending them money when needed, but i think i was very lucky that way.
Definitely there are all types of people at college, and you get to see different sides of the world so to speak. For myself my parents haven’t really cut any connections or anything at all. Sometimes that’s good, and sometimes its bad… but mostly good that they are still well connected with me.
-Jean