One of the questions that almost every college student encounters at least once is, “Should I live with a complete stranger or with my best friend?” The question seems simple enough, and the answer seems like it should be obvious.
When it comes to picking roommates, we naturally assume that our best friends would also make the best roommates. However, this isn’t always true. In fact, many times a good friend can turn out to be a horrible roommate, and here’s why.
1. Your expectations are too high.
Your friends are awesome, and when they become your roommates, you expect them to live up to that level of awesomeness all of the time. The problem is that nobody can be that awesome all of the time (heads would explode). It’s simply not possible to sustain it.
2. You discover their quirks and weaknesses.
After a few days, weeks, or months, you’ll start to discover some of your friends’ quirks and weaknesses. Whether it’s creating a hazard zone in the kitchen, blasting music at 2 AM, snoring so loud you can’t fall asleep, or not paying rent on time, the outcome is always the same. You start to get annoyed.
3. Friends are not friends forever.
Conflict is inevitable when multiple people share a space. It’s one of the things we never grow out of. Eventually, you or one of your friends/roommates will get so annoyed at something that you hit the breaking point. This is when things can get ugly, and many times, this is where friendships end.
4. It gets boring.
If you’re lucky enough to make it through the conflicts that arise without destroying the friendship, then you face another challenge — boredom. It can get boring when you see and hang out with the same people everyday, so you start to branch out by hanging out with new friends, creating another source of potential conflict.
5. It’s like getting married (without the sex).
Living together is a big commitment. It’s kind of like getting married, minus the sex, or exactly like it if you’re in a sexless marriage. With approximately 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it makes me wonder if the stats would be similar for friends who become roommates.
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I lived with one of my best friends for 5 years while at college, and I thought it was a great experience. In fact, we’ve since graduated and still live together with a couple other friends (we’re not quite ready to grow up yet).
I think, perhaps living with casual friends is more difficult for all the reasons you’ve described, but living with your best friend is great for all the same reasons. Learning quircks and working through disagreements is probably the greatest way to strengthen your relationship.
Great writeup though and definitely something to consider before moving out of the dorms and into a house or apartment.
I share these feelings. I had two of my best buddies coming to college with me, and a few others that would have made fine roomates. I did random selection the first year and it was a complete disaster. He was awful on so many levels, mostly by not showering and using my TV and PS2 all the time.
After the first year I moved off campus with a guy from my hall. We were great buddies living together. We got in a couple of big fights, and at one point it seemed one of us would move out and our friendship was over. This was not something I wanted to risk with my best friends from childhood. We’ve both moved on since then and our friendship has survived.
My childhood friends seemed to do well living together, but they partied a little too hard for my taste. Living with someone motivated to get good grades helped me out a lot. My friends are working not so glamorous jobs and work a lot harder than I do. Me and the former roomate do quite nicely for ourselves in our respective industries.
In college I moved in with some friends friends basically. I knew them but did not really hang out with them, so I had an idea of their reliability.
Too many times I have seen good friends hate each other after living together for a bit. Yes it works sometimes but it is usually to risky in my opinion.
I have lived with best freinds and I have lived with almost strangers and found there to be ups and downs to both. Best Friends tend to have more fun together but also tend to have bigger more hurtful arguments. With Strangers you don’t do as many things together but you also don’t run into the huge fights that end friendships (and if you do, at least they were not someone you were worried about ever seeing again.) I lived with a really nice girl that I met on one of those roommate sites (RentSelect.com). It worked out pretty good because we got to chat on line on the site and learn a little about eachs others likes and dislikes before making any commitments to a lease. We don’t live together anymore but are still pretty good friends. I find that was an easier situation than worrying all the time about arguments and hurt freindships when living with your best friend.
It can be tough, but it can be really fun. I live with one of my close friends from college and everything is going well. The only issue we have sometimes is that he is a slob and treats the apt like a dorm room. Other than that, if you repsect each other’s boundaries and have similar interests, its easy to live with a friend.
I agree it is either really good or really bad. Most I have witness have been bad. My sister was best friends with a girl for the first 17 years of her life until they roomed in college. People just change and grow apart and form new opinions, habits, and groups of friends. It really is the definition of life and how over time everything evolves. The only thing that is constant is change, corny cliche but definitely the damn truth.
In my experience, it seems that guys have an easier time keeping their friendship in tact after moving into the same living space. This of course is a stereotypical statement and by no means always the case. But, this is definitely true regarding the friends I had from high school/undergrad.
Interesting post~
Want to to an email interview on my blog?
Best,
Irene
haha. been there, done that and i couldnt agree more!
I met a guy my freshman year of college and we we became great friends. We also had the same circle of friends. We both agreed to room with each other the next year. During that year we became annoyed by each others’ flaws and habbits and seeing each other basically 24/7. After that year of rooming with each other our friendship has weakened and we talk with each other maybe once a month.
First, I think that the friends thing can work — and when it works, it usually works well… but too many times it just leads to problems.
I think I’d add to your list that its difficult to hold friends accountable — when you’re with a stranger or less-than-friend, its easier to get upset with them for failing to meet their share of responsibilities.
Ahh the memories. Last year one of my best friends and I from high school decided to live together in the freshmen dorms. Big mistake. Not long after, his girlfriend (now fiance) practically moved in with us. You don’t respect privacy enough until you can’t even change in your own dorm room.
It was bad. I got really upset a couple times and told him flat out that I didn’t like it. Nothing changed, and needless to say we don’t room together this year and our friendship is absolutely nothing like it used to be.
Yeah I would have to agree roommates and friends do not mix. Often I find it ruins alot of close relationships just due to the fact that sharing a room takes extra tolls on relationships.
Till then,
Jean